(ed: this version is perhaps best sung by females? Of course... you *could substitute *girl* for *man*? Anyway - the original version I learned had 'daughter to rhyme with 'not sir' so the last line of the first verse would be a full back's daughter etc... sounds *much* better I think)

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the lord I'm not sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby full-back.

And he'd find touch,
and I'd find touch,
We'd both find touch together.

We'd be alright in the middle of the night,
Finding touch together.

If I were the marrying kind,
etc...

The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be wing three-quarter.

And he'd go hard,
And I'd go hard,
We'd both go hard together.

We'd be alright in the middle of the night,
Going hard together.

If I were the marrying kind,
etc...

The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a centre three-quarter.

And he'd pass it out,
And I'd pass it out,
We'd both pass it out together,

We'd be alright in the middle of the night,
Passing it out together.

If I were the marrying kind,
etc...

The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby fly-half.

And he'd whip it out,
And I'd whip it out,
We'd both whip it out together,

We'd be alright in the middle of the night,
Whipping it out together.

If I were the marrying kind,
etc...

The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby scrum-half.

And he'd put it in,
And I'd put it in,
We'd both put it in together,

We'd be alright in the middle of the night,
Putting it in together.

If I were the marrying kind,
etc...

The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby hooker.

And he'd strike hard,
And I'd strike hard.
We'd both strike hard together.

We'd be alright in the middle of the night,
Striking hard together.

If I were the marrying kind,
etc...

The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a big prop-forward.

And he'd bind tight,
And I'd bind tight,
We'd both bind tight together,

We'd be alright in the middle of the night,
Binding tight together.

If I were the marrying kind,
etc...

The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a referee.

And he would blow,
And I would blow,
We'd both blow together,

We'd be alright in the middle of the night,
Blowing hard together.